I love reading quotes. I think they can have different meanings on different days, which is kind of like movies as well. I could have watched a movie a year ago and got a whole different feel for it than I did when I watched it this time around (ex: I went to see 'The Green Mile' the night it came out years ago, I must say that I was young but I remember my parents talking about it afterward and chiming in that I thought it was good, kind of long, and I was sad that John Coffey had to die even though he didn't kill the girls. A few weeks ago it came on over and over again on some channel, and finally APS and I were able to catch it right when it started at the beginning. After it was over I was ugly crying. Yes- I am more emotional now that I am a mommy, but it just hit me in a whole new way. And on top of that APS explained to me how the movie can be seen as a parallel to the Bible and since I haven't actually read the Bible, he had to go into detail and I believe we talked about it for an hour or two. So storey short, I ended up with a whole new outlook on the movie after watching it again years later.) Anywho, I have been looking up quotes about "sunshine" for twenty or so minutes because I am not a fan of this cold rain that's been happening all day; and I figured that I would find lots of positive, uplifting, and creative (I have to say most quotes are creative, but some just make me say "Duh!" or "Really? Someone actually thought this was necessary to say outside of their own head.") quotes/thoughts to get me in a better, more motivated mood. And I mean who has negative things to say about sunshine anyway? So after I google "sunshine quotes", I go to the first website listed (which is one of my favorites- thinkexist.com), and start reading. The first one is great but not what I am needing right now, the second one is neat but didn't register in my brain as something to brighten my mood (it is more on the lines of a quote that can start up a deep and complicated conversation about what it really means with APS), and then I read the third quote: "Anyone who says sunshine brings happiness has never danced in the rain". Although it is not necessarily negative, it is not necessarily positive either. I read it a few more times, scroll down to continue reading more quotes, and I end up going to the second page, but only to find myself going back to quote numero tres for some unknown reason. I mean maybe it's because of everything I have going on right now (in a nut shell- we are moving to Memphis in a week), but I am just having a hard time with this quote. Who wants to dance in the rain when it is literally freezing outside and is more like sleet- also known as ICE?!?! I need sunshine right now. I will even take cold weather as long as there is a big bright sun in the sky.
Ok- I had to take a break to go pick up FCS, and in the midst of reading what I wrote earlier (to try and get back on track with what I was trying to say- I am ADD to the max) I decided that I can see what the person means and I actually think it is a perfect example of my life right now. Ever since APS came into our room to tell me that the man who just called (his name is Keith) offered him the SM job in Memphis, I have been on an emotional roller coaster. I have never lived more than an hour away from my mom. Yes, we have had a rocky relationship ever since I hit puberty but the day FCS was born, our relationship has been the one I have always wanted and needed with my mom. So I started 2011 with the realization that I need to work on my priorities: visit my grandparents every week rather than every month; have play dates with my friends who are mommies too because FCS can interact with other babies and I can converse with someone who is going thru some of the same stuff as myself; have a day for myself every other week because I am 100% FCS which makes cleaning days and DBS days- non existent; and have date nights with my husband, because I tend to forget that he/our relationship needs attention too. But now, after a five minute phone call, my life is about to change.
Case in point: My life (before the phone call) is like the sunshine. I am in my comfort zone. I am a forty-five minute or less drive away from everyone in my absolutely amazing family. I live in the town where I met APS, where I have made some of the best friendships that I know will last for years to come, and where I have experienced Longhorn from every which way possible (and probably in total worked at the longest). I live in a house that I thought was "the perfect house" since the day I saw it and it's my first home with my lil' family.
My life (since APS told me his "good news") is like the rain. Literally. I feel like once the first rain drop hit the ground, it's been a down pour, and I don't know what is going to happen next. As soon as the words, "He offered me the SM job in Memphis", came out of APS' mouth and made their way into my ears, my heart dropped to my stomach. I zoned out for the next few days. I cried on and off, didn't want to hear about anything that had to do with the new job promotion (I say promotion instead of just new job because it really is a promotion. Not just another job in a new town. APS has worked hard this past year and deserves this opportunity.), and didn't want to talk nor see anyone other than FCS. Then my mother-in-law came for the weekend, so I had to put my feelings aside and enjoy the time she was here with us. It didn't help that the first night she was here, APS finally got the offer in writing and we could see how it was going to be in a financial aspect. (Let me just say that I love my mother-in-law, Cecelia or Grammy. She is a wonderful woman in every way- mother, wife, daughter, sister, mother-in-law, grandmother, worker, friend, and role model. I value her thoughts, advice, stories, morals, ethics, and most of all her love.) Cecelia has first hand experience in the moving for your husband's work department, so it was nice to have her here to go over the Relocation Contract and to help us know what to ask and why. It was just hard for me to be on the fence about everything because it was her son getting a great job opportunity so she should be proud because this was something she has been wanting/praying for APS since he graduated college, and her coming from a past of moving every few years for her husband's career, it was no biggie for us to up and move in her eyes. I had to be as positive as I could so she wouldn't know that I was crying inside because I didn't know how I could be possibly be supportive of something I didn't want to happen. I was drowning in my own rain. A few more days of me not being happy, excited, or even interested in this big change that was about to happen, I threw the towel in (Okay, maybe I have a back up towel for another down pour that may happen in the future but I think I am allowed to do so in this kind of situation.) and realized that it is my job as a wife to APS and a mommy to FCS to man up and face what's thrown at us as a family to make a better future and to be supportive of this opportunity for APS because I would want him to be supportive of an opportunity that I may stumble upon in some point in time. So this is what I consider "dancing in the rain", and soon I will experience, embrace, appreciate, and actually enjoy the happiness that a certain Memphis sunshine will bring to my life, as well as the life I am making/living each and every day with APS and FCS.
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